[Reposted from myspace/hayd5 - July 28, 2008]

My Mum isn't well at the moment but that's not really news to anyone, or maybe it is. Depends on who reads this blog, I'm not sure anyone does these days which is partly why I'm going to post it here. Funny posting a public blog that you don't expect people to read. It's like posting into the abyss of cyberspace. Out it goes and hangs on the edge, within reach but facing out. Maybe I feel the same way and that's why I feel compelled to post it. Agh well on with the real blog…

Sometimes I feel like people want me to be sad. They just look and wait for something to happen. They ask the same question all the time "How's your Mum doing, how are you doing?" I actually don't have an answer for that question. Not because I don't have feelings but…I don't know… life goes on I guess. To me, it's like asking "How was breathing today…" and I think to myself "Well shucks it was fine, I didn't think about it". Maybe that's not the right thing to think. Who knows.

But what do I actually think about it. Does it bother me that Mum has a life threatening illness? Am I bothered that I'm not there to help? Well yeah it does a bit but not as much as it did when Dad was sick with his mystery illness (which is all fine now and they found out what it was). So here is how I'm honestly, and I really mean honestly thinking about it. I believe that this is just a small issue and I have a big God. I believe that he is in control and that He cares and loves my Mum more than anyone could. I believe that He is feeling the pain that Mum and Dad are, He understands my sisters fear and he grieves for us all in that way. BUT I don't believe that God is scared, He's not worried, He's not even concerned. My God knows the deal and He's on Mums side more than anyone can be. He loves Mum and He's not scared or fearful. God is happily in control and I really believe that He is HAPPILY IN CONTROL. How could I not believe that when the Bible is so full of His provision, promises, peace and so many other things.

I believe God and His word. He has always been faithful to me and my family. Honestly I haven't even considered doubting Him. There is nothing to doubt. God is in control and He will have his way when it's all said and done. And there is no one better to be in control and having His way. I mean seriously who else could you possibly want in control or this? George Bush? Helen Clarke? Elvis? Hahahaha.

The one thing that does get to me is when people ask how I'm doing, and I say fine cause God's got it. And they say "wow you sound so upbeat about it all" Heck what do you expect from me? Do you expect me to change my tune because something dumb happened? Do you really think that I'm just faking this belief in God thing? Are you all just waiting for something bad to happen so I can throw in the towel and you can say "I knew it, he didn't really believe it all" Well I have sent his Son Jesus Christ to earth so that I could be saved and have a personal one-to-one relationship with Him. I believe in His word the Bible and I believe what it says about his nature being caring and loving. I believe that He is worthy and trustworthy. And that all means that I believe and live Ps 118:24 "This is the day that they Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it"